“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die.”

Update: December 29, 2005:
Mantras, Resolutions, Givens and Goals.

Troy Worman has asked if we have something to contribute for his 2nd 100 Bloggers Carnival on New Year’s Resolutions, and I find this thought keeps coming back to me ” or more succinctly, a singular mantra for 2006 as this post title had suggested – I want to be thoroughly used up, using every moment to fill myself up.

I like mantras, and the way they work; the way they stick to me. The way they serve as quick reminders, moving me to be better and more aware.

My original post, written in October 2005:

I’m reading First Things First as part of my own Closure Project this month (with MWA3P), and I’ve been meaning to share this quote with you by George Bernard Shaw.

The quote appears fairly early in the book, however I find that I keep getting drawn back to it, and reading it over and over again. It’s connected to ‘Imi ola, and seeking one’s best possible life by living to leave a legacy, and living for a purpose higher than self. There is also the undercurrent of Kuleana, and accepting responsibility for creating your own destiny.

“This is the true joy in life ” being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one ” being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy ” I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It’s a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing on to future generations.”

If only we all thought this way all the time.

Learn more about George Bernard Shaw in Wikipedia.

For instance, did you know he is still the only person to have won both a Nobel Prize for Literature (1925) and an Academy Award (1938)?

So back to my late December update…

Two months later, and this thought is still so appealing to me:
I want to be thoroughly used up.

I want to be fully alive, present, aware, and open to new possibilities in every moment I take a breath, living each day as if it may be my very last one. I want to be thoroughly used up; all I am, all I have, every single part of me. Every thought explored, every gift shared.

“Life is no brief candle to me. It’s a sort of
splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to
make it burn as brightly as possible…”

I was in Border’s Bookstore today; their sale on calendars and planners – 50% off or more! – drew me in like a magnet. Before I knew it, I had 4 different calendars I did not need cradled in my arms. For the next half hour or so I wandered the store picking up books like I was starving for them. Then something happened.

Somehow, this quote, “I want to be thoroughly used up when I die” popped into my head again and I couldn’t shake it. I could clearly see the material stuff I had languishing at home not yet used up, books I had not yet read, stuff that I was letting suffer an early death of neglect, and here I was, ready to compound the complexity. I put back every book and discounted calendar back where I had found them, and walked out of the store.

I thought of our June Ho‘ohana: ‘ōpala ‘ole — remember? “We will toss out the trash and clean up the mess that may be weighing us down.” I must still dismiss the clutter in my life by using up what I have — or consciously deciding not to. However keeping things in limbo is simply not acceptable.

While on my own sabbatical, I have taken great delight in reading the Resolutions others are beginning to write. Inspiring stuff.

I’ve found myself thinking of Givens and Goals: the Givens are those things that must be more for me than resolutions; they must be ever-present. Givens are my values, my virtues, my strengths, my resolve and my mission. The Goals are still to come; they are the possibilities that are still begging to be explored. They are promise, brightness, energy, and light.

Am I wandering? Thus is the gift reading and writing gives us, right Troy?

I hope to have all these thoughts sorted out when 2006 dawns with new hope and promise 3 days from now. Yet even if I don’t, I know the conversation with myself will continue, for I want to be thoroughly used up, and so it’s all good.

How I love New Years, for Ka lā hiki ola; it always will be the dawning of a new day. A new chance, a fresh start, another opportunity to get all used up.

Tagged as: George Bernard Shaw, quotations