Mark sent me a note after he read through What Your Big Ideas Do Best in his email. He wrote:
“Keep these coming Rosa. I need all the help I can get with being more positive. Wish I knew how you do this.”
Here’s my little secret, the one I don’t talk about much:
I often suspect that I am not a person who naturally and instinctively leans toward the positive view instead of the negative one. At first glance, I can see half empty instead of seeing half full. The argument can rightfully be made, that my ‘leaning half empty’ goes counter to everything else I teach about Aloha, for Aloha is all full! I usually don’t talk about that leaning because I don’t like believing it, I loathe the thought it might be instinctive, and I don’t want to give it my attention. So I simply choose not to acknowledge it much.
Sometimes I slip, like all human beings do. Chances are my slips are when you will read a rant here because I’m bothered by something. I’ll be okay with that, telling myself I have to release the rant in order to let it go, but I try my best to turn it into a positive action of some kind, or at least a more useful one.
Here’s my bigger secret, and the one I love to talk about:
“Being positive” happens when I look for better and best. And when I look for it, I manage to find it! Writing then, becomes a deeper exploration of that discovery.
To be positive, I make myself look for it, believing in my biology instead of my nature. If I want to be an optimist (and I do), I have to ignore the possibility that I might be a pessimist. So that’s what I choose.
My preferred Hawaiian word for this intentional choosing is Hō‘imi. Short and sweet, Hō‘imi holds a lot of kaona [hidden meaning] in my mana‘o [my stronger beliefs and convictions]:
- Hō is another form of Ho‘o [make something happen] which I use here more often: Hō is the grammatical preference before another word or phrase with i or ‘i.
- ‘imi means to look for something, and I think of ‘imi-looking as actively hunting for what you seek. ‘Imi is looking for something in a purposeful way connected to ‘Imi ola, your best possible life.
- Hō‘imi delivers value-alignment in my personal language of intention (speak of what you want to come true), because ‘Imi ola is one of the values in Managing with Aloha
- Hō‘imi has those two i’s in it, reminding me that looking for better is completely up to me, and within my self-control. No excuses.
Trust that which gives you meaning and accept it as your guide.
—Carl Jung
From Learning to Be of Use, at Joyful Jubilant Learning
We all need help with our attention and intention
We’re human. However, Hō‘imi: being human has a lot of perks.
I say, “believing in my biology” instead of my suspected nature, because scientists tell us that while we may fool ourselves into accepting multi-tasking, there really isn’t any such thing as “multi-thinking” in a conscious way: We only focus-think on one thought at a time. When we pull off our multi-tasking, one task got done better than the other: It got our thinking as we did it, whereas the other task only got our auto-pilot in going through repetitive motions we have already learned and committed to memory. When we multi-task, we do one of those tasks without thinking about it.
If I focus on hō‘imi and looking for better and best consciously and deliberately, I effectively kick out any negative thought which might be predisposed to flesh out “yeah, but” thinking, can’t instead of can, and any worst-case scenarios. My conscious thinking will assure that I don’t throw all caution to the wind, however my hō‘imi intention will look for better, and keep me away from negativity.
What’s wrong with negativity? It drains energy instead of building it up, and energy generates Ho‘o Power.
Behind every can’t is a won’t. However, “I will” is a hō‘imi positive expectancy.
My best possible life (i.e. living the value of ‘Imi ola) has to be filled with positives and not negatives; it’s the only thing that makes sense to me as celebrating my spirit of Aloha. So that’s what I choose when I think about it.
And that’s the biggest secret of them all:
It shouldn’t be a secret: It should be a positive expectancy we shout from the top of Mauna Kea: We human beings have the power of proactive choice. We get to choose how we think, whether positively or negatively.
Being positive is Hō‘imi: Looking for it.
Think about choosing ‘Imi ola, and the seeking of your best possible life. ‘Imi ola wants what’s best for you. And trust in this certainty: When you look for good, and you look for better and best, those are the things you find.
Value Aligned Archive Aloha: A Take 5
- Kukupa‘u: Be Enthusiastic!
- Believe in your Biology!
- Unconditional Acceptance, Nature and Nurture
- Values are the Bedrock of Hard Reality
- The 9 Key Concepts of Managing with Aloha (covering Language of Intention)
Photo Credit: “i see” on Flickr by Jane Costa Lima
Cross-posted: Another version of this article appears on Say “Alaka‘i” at The Honolulu Advertiser today, titled: Being positive is Hō‘imi: Looking for it. This one includes a few more links to some additional discussions we have had here on Talking Story.
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Simply reading this gave me a new perspective on a situation I’m currently going through. Thanks!!!
.-= Matches´s last blog ..I forgot the first rule of 168… =-.
You are very welcome Matches, and welcome to Talking Story! New perspectives are what make a good case for patience too (patience is another thing I have to work on). For instance, I can usually come up with a response a little bit better than my knee-jerk reaction to something if I manage to bite my tongue, or better yet, sleep on it.
Rosa, I recognise so much of what you share here. I could never have described myself as a positive person a few years ago but I have very slowly and deliberately shifted my focus and turned that around. In some ways I think those who have learned to do this consciously are more compelling because there is a clearer ring of truth in it… comes from seeing the grit too? For me it is a conscious and deliberate choice each and every day. What I choose to look for and focus on, and in particular, what I choose to share with others.
For those who are learning to make this shift I would add as suggestions looking for small but significant things that alter your world view for the better. For example, look for an act of friendship, or kindness, or generosity. Look for one thing of beauty in the day.
I don’t think it’s possible to go through a day without coming across one act of kindness.
That knowledge alone is enough to change my experience of life.
BTW there is a book on this subject called Learned Optimism – I never read the whole thing, partly because at the time it seemed too far removed from my negative world view – but it does address the different consequences and attributes of those who are natural vs learned optimists, including how that affects compositions of teams in the workplace and so on.
Such a rich comment Joanna, thank you! I must look for that book, Learned Optimism. Love the title alone.
I am glad you mentioned the element of sharing for that, to me, is a final piece to this process — similar to the concept of “third person teaching” where you can feel you have learned something enough to teach another person (sharing it), but in that process of articulating your teaching for them, you have to internalize your learning so much more, and the wonder of it all is that it becomes exponential for both of you.
Deliberance (which isn’t really a word I guess, but I think it should be!) is such a strength; it’s muscle building in being self-disciplined and resolute. In being sure. In believing.
And I love the suggestions you added for us on “small but significant things that alter your world view” ~Thank you!
Perhaps others have more suggestions to share?
One more bit Joanna; you wrote:
and you gave me a smiling memory of something my dad used to say to us about acknowledging the stuff we don’t like as helping us figure out what we do like. He would say, “dirt makes us want clean.” Within our family we started telling each other to “gizzard it” after we kids had learned why chickens need gizzards to grind and digest tough food – your mentioning “grit” was my memory trigger!
Rosa, thanks for having the guts to admit what a lot of us don’t want to acknowledge: that there’s sometimes an instinctive sense to see what’s not there instead of what is there. But you hit on something very powerful and that’s the strength of intentional thinking. There’s something deeply satisfying about being mindful, sensing what is and take the next step to look for what’s better and best. I can think of no better way to practice Hō‘imi than applying it to other people. The challenge I put to myself is instead of seeing someone’s faults as the extent of their character, to see them as whole individuals and acknowledge their potential. Thanks for this wonderful reminder today.
Laughing at myself while smiling at the joy of our friendship Chris, for you know me so well! That first “little secret” has indeed been a secret for me, and I had to haul out a bracing of courage, telling myself to “spill the whole truth Rosa…”
And yes, oh, oh yes! to this:
Essential for managers, and why what managers do is a calling!
I remember listening to a speech by Dr. Bill Thomas of The Eden Alternative way back in 2002 at the conferences Fast Company used to have: He made such an impression on me, when he talked about how he hires caregivers (“The Eden Alternative is an international not-for-profit organization dedicated to transforming care environments into habitats for human beings that promote quality of life for all involved.”)
Thomas said that they seek Caregivers who are more than caring and compassionate, in that they have “the gift of being able to see beauty in other people.” Looking for beauty in others (and finding their Aloha) is always a gift, but to see it in the aging body of someone who feels others have sent them to die quietly in a care home for the elderly is life-giving, and life-extending.
Rosa,
I also have to say thanks! I read your blog post at work during a break. On my way home the ice and snow was thawing, and I had to walk through big puddles of dirty water. “Grrr”, was my first reaction. And then I forced myself to see the positive side of it. It took me a few seconds, and then my inner positive said “What do you want – the ice is melting because the temperatures have gone up. These could be the first signs of spring waiting around the corner. Instead of whining about the dirty puddles you should do a happy dance around them!” I felt my inner negative shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but I managed to hug my inner positive (I have got the faint feeling that it is a “her”).
.-= Ulla´s last blog ..The crazy days are over =-.
Ah, well done Ulla! Thank you so much for sharing your story, another in the vein of those “small but significant things that alter your world view” Joanna phrased for us!
Funny too what you say about your “inner negative” and “inner positive” in that I wrote a bit in my journal yesterday about noticing that I used to refer to my writing muse as a “her” but now I have a tendency to think of my muse as a “him” and not only that, but a “he” who is much, much younger than me… no idea why…
Rosa, I just found your website and blog. I also have recently completed reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp. I see clearly the value and importance of being thankful in all things, of seeking to be inspired, looking for the good. Both the website and book suggestions and the book just finished are speaking to my heart as I try to shake off some negatives from the past year, discern how I can make them positives for my future.
I am so happy to find your blog and I plan to visit often.
Thank you!
Rita
Welcome to Talking Story Rita :)
I’ll have to look for Ms.Voscamp’s book too; thank you for telling us about it. Gratitude is an amazing healer and perspective shifter for sure – I completely agree.